Undeniable and Infinite

I could never really be your superman. You won’t ever see me become the life of the party, dancing the night away while you stare at me in admiration. I could never sing sweet songs to you when you are sick, or hurting, reaching out for a desperate note to be sung providing you comfort and reassurance. Looking to me in the passengers seat while you drive to who knows where, waiting for me to play sing along.

 I would wake up moody and pissed off for no apparent reason taking my frustrations out on you, watching slowly as your heart begins to break, that would not affect me, and yet I would still continue because that is just who I am. Pushing your hand away as you touched me not because the the thought of you making contact with me hurts, but because for some reason, on that day, at the moment, I did not want to be loved by you. I wear my emotions for you to see so that there is no confusion. Waking up next to one another like they do in fairy tales brings tears to my eyes because I am not sure that I am capable of giving you that.

 Laughing at your jokes even when they don’t make sense to me, having endless conversations about nothing just so that we can hear each other speak, just doesn’t seem like what I imagine myself doing. Don’t get me wrong I could attempt all of those things but then I would not be staying true to me. Thinking about all of this as we speak makes me realize just how selfish of a human being I really am but damn how my heart beats for you.

Disregard my inabilities to cope with the unconditional love you give so freely because truth be told I’ve never experienced any of the things you are offering to me without some sort of price tag. But that doesn’t exclude the fact that I lay my soul here bare and naked before you. Jotting down every insecurity reinforcing the fact that I’ll always say things that I don’t really mean as to keep my heart protected wearing it far away from my sleeve, so that if you proceed with this relationship nothing will come new to you.  But if you continue to blow me away by the love you have for me who knows maybe one day those preconceived notions I once spoke of will no longer linger around you. And no matter what may take place, or what may happen, you will never have to question that my heart beats only for you.